Bye Bye Baby!

Last night of his crib

This week, King Diaper's crib came down.  In its place is a pretty little twin bed.  His room rearranged, and everything looks much different that before.

He is almost potty trained.  The wipe warmer is on its way out.  The changing pad is no longer needed.  And, he is in big boy pants.

I suppose I should feel sad.  My mom has even cried over this transition. Yesterday, I did a bit.  I sat in his room looking around while his daddy bathed him.  Even though there were a few tears, today was a flurry of activity.  I didn't feel sad at all.

Yes, he is growing up.  That baby he once was is growing into a little boy.  And I don't want to go back.

His start was hard and scary.  I never got to really do his room the way I wanted to.  I spent the last weeks of my pregnancy shopping online and arranging things by photographs and diagrams for my husband and friends to do.  There is no nesting for the mother on bed rest.

I spent many nights after we came home crying in that room with the sheer joy and realization that we were home.  It was overwhelming and difficult in new ways to adjust to all of the equipment at home and what it meant to care for a child with a complicated medical history.

New bed!  He says!

With the transition to the big boy bed, I was able to do what all new mothers enjoy doing.  I was able to arrange and fix his room just as I wanted.  I cleaned out closets and got everything arranged just so.  It felt great.

Looking back is hard.  I don't want to go back.  Moving forward and growing big and strong is such an achievement for him that this milestone is far less sad and much more victorious.

I will miss those days where he was so small when we came home.  Those sweet cuddles and coos were all welcome sounds.   But I will never miss his monitor going off in the night to scare me to pieces.  And while there will be other scares and sleepless nights, I feel like I didn't loose anything with the sweet baby bed he once slept in.  I gained the little boy I always wanted.

Healthy.  Happy and growing up big and strong.  He is laying in his big boy bed tonight after crawling in all by himself.  And I can't be sad about that.  Life is sweet, and I'm going to celebrate us making this move forward in our life!